I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
is wine microwaveable?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
