I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize