Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize
