Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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