I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
