Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
