cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize