Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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