I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
