well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
