i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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