I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Randomize
