Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
