It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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