i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
