I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
