M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
