He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
