She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
