That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
