Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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