Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
