Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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