I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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