for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
