You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
