WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
