she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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