I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
