You work out of a Hotel?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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