If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
