piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
