You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
