You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
