i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
