I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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