i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize