why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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