I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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