I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
