Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
