oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He kissed a someone with a penis
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hippo gnu deer
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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