I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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