why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
