Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Someone came in the potted fern
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
