Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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