Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
not ubering you a puppy
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
