my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
