On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
