The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
