i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
