i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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