please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
