so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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