Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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