You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
