I think I died a long time ago.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
