Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
