I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
