Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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