I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You dont lie about slip and slides
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
