you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize