I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
