Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
