There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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