Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
should my penis look like a turkey
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
