The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
