dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
