My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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