i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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