I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
