I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize