Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
