I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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