i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
