with your own penis?
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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