He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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