im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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