Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
