remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize