where am i from again
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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