I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
