he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
