He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
