He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just tell him i said nine months
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
