i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
