AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
