I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
