I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
