I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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