3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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