why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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