If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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