Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
